The Playful Way - and other stories...

 I'm delighted to report that life "Chez Mel" is pretty good just now.

Out of school...

Earlier this year, during lock-down, I took the plunge and handed in my notice from my teaching job. 

It's something I've been thinking about for quite some time. It isn't that I don't like teaching. I do. I love working with children. To me, teaching children is all about finding that spark, getting them excited about learning and developing their confidence to take on the challenges and discover the world. 

It wasn't that I had a problem with the school either. The school I taught at was rated OfSted Outstanding and is a great school. The staff are caring and incredibly hard-working and do everything they can to make the school a great place to be. 

No, my problem is with the system itself. I think that OfSted and the Government are getting it wrong. The problem is that they are pushing for more and more "measurable" results, but this means that teachers and schools are focusing on teaching the things that are measured. 

The potential is that you can end up with children being taught methods but without necessarily any understanding, and deja vu classrooms:

• if you go into one classroom at 9.15 in the morning, the lesson in the classroom 2 doors along will be structured exactly the same way.  
• The display boards will all have the same information on them. 
• The doors will all have the same poster on them. 
• The maths equipment will all be laid out the same way.

In addition, children that fall behind this rigid routine are taken out for support, but this is almost always during the non-core part of the curriculum - depriving them of the opportunities where they might be able to shine - art, music or computing. 

While I agree that structure and routine are beneficial to many children, and that sharing good practice makes sense, I would argue that this takes the joy and excitement out of school and learning.  

Where is the space for that eccentric teacher so in love with their subject that the children will remember for the rest of their lives? 

Where is the space for spending longer on something that the children have got excited about, or that they need to work on a bit more to cement understanding? 

The flexibility and pleasure is being sucked out of our schools by the insistence that they all achieve more results and tick certain boxes. 

Of course we should weed out poor teachers so that all children have the chance to attain well. 

Of course we should look for quality in our classrooms. 

However, that quality can take many shapes and teachers and children do not come in a one-size-fits-all uniformity. 

While everybody needs to be taught to read and write, they may all learn best in different ways and at different pace, I don't think this is recognised by our education system.

So, off my soap-box... What am I doing now?

...and into writing

I think I've always been a writer. Writing is one of my creative outlets, but I've also found that since I'm able to coherently arrange words on the page, I am often called on to write newsletters, web-content, draft emails and so on. 

I have made some income from writing before, taking on several freelance projects when I was a stay-at-home-mum.

I decided it was time to turn my attention to this once more.

I started off by setting up a new blog - www.the-playful-way.com. The idea was that I could write about something I really believe in - "my niche" - and use it as a spring-board to write a series of books, online courses and articles, as well as being a brand for relaunching my Etsy shop, which I renamed "The Playful Way" and for a tutoring business.

However, I had a bit of a panic about no steady income. I'd assured Husband that within a few months I would be able to bring in as much money freelance as I was as a part-time teacher.

I suddenly didn't see that happening, so jumped at the opportunity for some regular web-content writing for a marketing guy. I was soon writing articles about electric guitars, comparing ecommerce, shipping and project-management platforms, writing about "Best peanut butters for dogs" and different Japanese dog breeds. 

You name it, I was writing about it. The pay was peanuts, there was no by-line, and with all the research and weblinks required, it was taking several hours to write each one. I realised that I'd sacrificed my actual passion and the potential to make real money, for the security of creating click-through content for steady pay.

After three months, I wrote my last piece for this stream of income last Monday.

I'm looking forward to completing my first e-book and course "Making Maths Fun - a guide for parents and teachers" by the end of January. Also back to the blog, and focusing on some other writing projects. This bit is about believing in myself. I know I can do this - I have to hold out for projects that I believe in, or that pay what I'm worth.

...and back into the classroom!

In the meantime, I was also approached by a friend and former colleague. She'd heard that I was doing a bit of tutoring, and wondered if I might be interested in helping out with Phonics Catch-up at the school where she is deputy-head. I'm there to help the children who, due to the covid lock-down last school-year, missed out on learning opportunities, reading material and, for some, even exposure to English. 

I spend two hours each day working with small groups in Key Stage One to support and teach phonics and help them with their reading.

It's a short-term post. I'm hoping to have made enough of an impact by Easter that they will have caught up and be able to read confidently. In the meantime, I feel inspired that I'm able to use my teaching skills to make a real difference to children who really need it.

I've also had a few enquiries about tutoring. However, because I currently run Beavers and Cubs from 4.30pm two evenings each week, and my children have piano lessons on a third evening, as well as all my other Scouting commitments, I have only managed to squeeze one tutoring client in! We're working on her confidence with Maths. 

And in other news...

This post has been a lot about my work life. I think I'll leave it there and post on another occasion about what else is going on... as a mum and wife, with the house, with the pooch and as a volunteer.

How to be Free: STOP WORKING, START LIVING

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 29 – Stop working, start living – PLAY

 Tom urges those who enjoy their jobs to skip this chapter.  It's for those who aren't happy with their chosen method of earning money.  He suggests that life and work don't have to compete.  Enjoying oneself need not be something that you save up for and squeeze into the time you have in between working.  Instead of separating out the different areas of your life, could they not be more integrated?  Can you not make money out of what you enjoy doing anyway?  Or find ways to enjoy what needs doing?  If you can give up the job you don't enjoy you'll find you spend less on commuting and coffee shops.  Jobless, you can integrate working for a bit of money in various ways, with working around the house and just enjoying yourself and giving your time to your community.  Tom isn't suggesting that we all give up work and go on social benefits either, he's suggesting that we become independent of corporations and government.  Changing your work so that it's less stressful and more fun, so that you earn "enough", not lots, and still have time for play is another option.  Go freelance, with a varied "portfolio" career.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

 I'm all for this plan, though I do question how many people could "enjoy" cleaning toilets, maintaining train tracks in terrible weather, wiping people's bottoms and the like.  If everybody gave up work and earned money doing things that they enjoy, then how would our country fare?

I'm planning to do just this though.  I've already given up work to spend time looking after my children, so now it's just a case of building up this portfolio career and making money from doing things that I enjoy... keep watching this blog and you'll see how successful this is, or whether, in order to pay the bills and feel that I am properly contributing to my family, I end up back in a "proper job".

That's it from "How to be Free" by Tom Hodgkinson.  At some point I'll compile all 29 posts into one list so that they can be easily found, and in the meantime we'll get started on "The Idle Parent" and see how that matches up to our evolving style of parenthood.

How to be Free: REJECT WASTE; EMBRACE THRIFT

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 28 – Reject Waste; Embrace thrift – SHOVEL SHIT

It seems that in our consumer, advertising, capitalist society, where having is everything, a backlash is developing, and that backlash is thrift.  An increasing segment of society, either through necessity or sense, is beginning to count those pennies, to aim for less waste.  It’s about being creative with your money and your household, not spending unnecessarily.  By being thrifty with your cash, you might just end up needing to work less.

So what should we do?  Buy less stuff with wasteful packaging – have you seen the packaging some toys come ensconced in?  Re-use glass jars and bottles (for your home-made jams, chutneys, wines and beers); make compost;  This is one of the permaculture principles, trying to create or work within a system where little is wasted.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

I look at how much waste we produce from our small household and it really is frightening.  The recycling bin is collected fortnightly and is always full of plastic bottles, paper and card.  The general waste bin is collected fortnightly and is usually full.  The glass recycling box is collected weekly, and is rarely even half full, which means that thankfully we aren’t drinking too much!  The council recently introduced a food waste caddy.  It took me a while to work out what to do with it.  “I don’t have food waste!” I exclaimed to a friend. “If it doesn’t get eaten by us, then it either goes in the dog, for the birds or on the compost.  The only thing we throw in the dustbin is the occasional chicken carcass.”  Eventually I decided to show willing, and share our vegetable peelings between the compost caddy and the council food waste caddy.  I think a lot of it is down to buying too much stuff.  This month I am sorting through old magazines, clipping out articles to keep and file, and ditching the rest – an incredible number!  I have two children who use paper at a rate of knots, but I’m not much better, I’m forever writing things and printing things, getting mail-order deliveries with the cardboard boxes that entails.  I could definitely do more to reduce the amount of waste I produce personally… and another resolution is made!

In the garden I’m pretty good at re-using.  We have three compost bins, two leaf mulch bins and a wormery, and an awful lot goes in them and then gets spread around the garden when it’s ready, but I still seem to fill the garden waste bin that gets collected every three weeks by the council, so I’ve still some work to do to make use of all the grass and hedge clippings we produce.

How to be free - DEPOSE THE TYRANT WEALTH

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 27 – Depose the tyrant wealth – WANT LESS

Having plenty of money offers the promise of freedom.  Freedom to do what you want, not to have to work, buy what you like, live where you want etc. etc.  In reality how many people have this much money?  Only a very small percentage of us have so much money that we can live with freedom, and even then there are disadvantages… the more money you have the more ways there are to spend it, on more expensive cars, a bigger house requiring more maintenance, charitable institutions, the health club, the golf club, private schools and all the trappings of a wealthy lifestyle.  The money soon disappears.  In the meantime the rest of us continue working towards this aspiration “to be rich”, in the meantime sacrificing the freedom which we strive for. 

Would it not be better to try to alter our lifestyle so that we want less?  Get rid of some of our stuff and rather than buying the biggest house that we can afford, buy a small one that’s “big enough”.  Just because you can afford two cars (can you?) doesn’t mean that you need two cars (or even one).  Be thrifty, reduce your need for and dependency on money, and you will have more freedom to work less, do what you want etc.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

It’s worth acknowledging here that Tom isn’t talking about real poverty.  There are people out there who haven’t got enough to feed their family for the week, who don’t spend on “extras”, who work hard and still can’t make ends meet.  Because we live in a time at the moment where the cost of food and fuel and generally living has increased far more than earnings.  It’s nice to think that we can all reduce our wants, our needs and our spending, but not everybody can.

We can.

We don’t seem to spend nearly as much as others on nights out for example (what are those?), on holidays, on make-up and cosmetics, on home entertainment, on childcare and education.  But we do spend more than we need to.  We live in a nice big house in a lovely area.  We have technology, more than one car, toys and books etc.  We could definitely reduce our outgoings so that we need less money.  The less money that we spend on a monthly basis, the less we’ll feel the need to work, and the more likely we are to take the leap to the big dream…

How to be Free: THE REIGN OF THE UGLY IS OVER; LONG LIVE BEAUTY, QUALITY, FRATERNITY!

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 26 – The reign of the ugly is over; long live beauty, quality, fraternity! – HAIL THE CHISEL

Things used to be more beautiful.  When you start mass-producing things, you start to think about the bottom line, and convenience, and the quality and beauty of a thing is diminished.  Tom talks about how clothes have become plainer as time has gone on, more plain and less embellished.  (Has he been to Primark lately?  There's plenty of embellishment going on in there.  In fact, it's the rich who choose, simple, plain, less embellished "classic lines").  Yet again here Tom blames the descent into plain and ugly on the puritans for whom decoration and colour were frivolity and to be frowned upon.  So to counter this, avoid ugliness, and learn and embrace crafts.  Only buy beautiful things, only make beautiful things.  Avoid plastic at all costs.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

In some ways I disagree with this.  While I do agree that individuality is beautiful in its own way, and that nothing beats true craftsmanship for real quality and beauty; it's also true to say that not everything handmade is either beautiful or good quality (depends on the hands!), and that mass producing decorative items mean that many more people have been able to afford to think about how their home looks, and put their own identity on it, rather than being stuck with what they could afford, which would have been practical and simple rather than necessarily aesthetically pleasing.  It's really only now that we have had the luxury of seeing and choosing rococco ornate that we have chosen to go back to the simple, rustic look.

Saying that though, I was struck yesterday by a beautiful and well made piece of furniture which had just been installed at the pre-school, and which was a bespoke item hand made by a local joiner.  Definitely better than anything we could have got from our friendly scandinavian furniture warehouse, but probably considerably more expensive.  Not everybody can choose to go the handmade route.

I definitely do crafts, and I choose to make things where I can.  But making things takes time, and buying hand made crafts costs money.  Once I'm established on the crafting scene, perhaps I'll be able to exchange practical and beautiful handmade items with my fellow crafters.

How to be Free: LIVE FREE OF THE SUPERMARKETS

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 25 – Live free of the Supermarkets – GROW YOUR OWN

Tom starts this chapter by declaring “Supermarkets are evil” – they control what we eat and what we buy, they lend us money and sell us holidays, they keep an eye on our habits and manipulate us to spend more.  They exploit labour and suppliers, they kill town centres, and they don’t look after their customers.  In the UK £1 in every £3 spent on groceries goes to Tesco.

We can’t complain about this situation, after all we are all complicit in the way it has evolved.  Who can say that they don’t shop at the supermarket?  Who can say that large, free carparks, everything under one roof and long opening hours aren’t convenient?  But is convenient always better?  Now that we have all given them licence, the supermarkets have destroyed everything else, so now we have little choice.  Small towns often no longer have a butcher or baker or grocer on the high street, they’ve all closed because we chose to spend our money in these giants, and now we have no choice.

Shopping and working in supermarkets is pretty tedious too – compared with the animation and diversity of a busy market.

So… stop buying from supermarkets and claim back choice.  Bake your own bread, grow your own veg, shop wholesale and shop locally.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

I’m all for this philosophy, but it’s harder in practice than it is in reality.

I tried ignoring the supermarkets for a while and shopping in my local village, where the butcher/grocer is a local legend.  It was fine for my day to day shopping, but where was I to buy loo roll or flour, rice and pasta?  The corner shop only sell those in expensive brands and small bags, which makes things more expensive.  Plus, the reality of shopping through several shops in winter with two small children hit home – you can’t carry all that much at the same time as holding two little hands.

So I tried ordering a larger shopping delivery each month from the supermarket, and doing the smaller shopping locally.  But I live in a small village, and doing my day to day shopping then involved a six mile round trip in the car, which I wouldn’t have needed to do otherwise.  So I started to do my grocery shopping while I was already out in the car, so inevitably ended up back to a weekly supermarket shop.

I really would like to use them less, and to support small businesses more, so I am going to look into the idea of buying wholesale, particularly when I’m already buying from a wholesaler for parts of my business, and then making a weekly trip to another village about 9 miles away where they have an excellent green-grocer and butcher among other lovely shops, and which I could combine with a beautiful dog walk.

I am quite pleased that I do already grow some of my own vegetables (a work in progress) and bake my own bread, but I could definitely do more to break free of the tyrant supermarkets.

How to be Free: SELF-IMPORTANT PURITANS MUST DIE

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 24 – Self-Important Puritans Must Die – WE ARE NOTHING

Tom tells us that Puritanism, where pre-destination is doctrine, and where you believe in the notion that wealth and success are signs of God’s approval – then you become insufferable.  Much better to live for the moment.  Subscibe instead to the teachings of Jean-Paul Sartre – if all is meaningless and nothing, then why not enjoy it? Puritanism was born of resentment, of other people having more than you, more fun than you.  It’s all about jealousy. 

Today it’s not Puritanism, instead it’s consumerism and the “job” culture.  If you have a big car, wear the right trainers, have the better job or more money then you are somebody.

Let’s not follow the rules of anybody though.  Nobody is telling u

s to burn our phones – just to follow our own lead.  We don’t actually matter, so eat, drink and be merry.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

Here’s another chapter which  I’m not really in tune with.  I don’t buy that “we are nothing”.  Certainly, we are not as important as we sometimes think we are – I sit through some mind-numbing meetings listening to people discussing things as though they think that they are actually making a difference, which they are not. 

I do think though that the hedonistic “eat, drink and be merry” suggestion takes things a little far.  Sure, we aren’t in this for our ticket to heaven, but surely we can try to leave the world a little better than we found it for future generations, or for the neighbours that live around us?  It isn’t self-important to try to be a good person, or to do things for others, it’s just neighbourly.  Also, I don’t subscribe to any chapter which begins “….. must die”, it’s a little far-fetched!

How to be Free: SAIL AWAY FROM RUDENESS AND TOWARDS A NEW ERA OF COURTESY, CIVILITY AND GRACE

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 23 – Sail away from rudeness and towards a new era of courtesy, civility and grace – BE GRACEFUL

Tom starts off by suggesting that capitalism and rudeness go hand in hand.  He suggests that the emphasis on “doing well”, “being successful” and “having money” get in the way of thinking about how other people feel and being kind to them.  People trying to sell you things you don’t want – bad manners; people focusing on their mobile phone when spending time with you – bad manners; to say nothing of the rudeness with which big business treats you if you owe them any money.  E-mails encourage abruptness, and often we spend time trying to fix misunderstandings and bruised feelings, just because we couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone or write a more complete, and polite, e-mail.

Hospitality also goes hand-in-hand with good manners.  It’s important to look after our fellow humans, to extend a welcome to all.

Be cordial, be polite, think about how other people feel and don’t tread all over them in the race to be “better”.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

I can’t quite get my head around this chapter.  I’ll always strive to do my best and be successful, so according to Mr Hodgkinson, that makes me rude, despite the fact that I have no intention of treading all over other people or being rude on the way.  I use e-mail a lot, though I am conscious that in some cases a phone call would be better, and I do still try to write at least one pen and ink letter every week – I know what a pleasure it is to receive one, so I am always keen to give that to somebody else.  Hospitality is also something I think I could do better.  I try to make my home welcoming to everybody, and use the “make yourself at home” comment, but neighbours and friends rarely drop by, so I don’t get a chance to practise often.  Which reminds me, I must invite the next door neighbours over for a meal on Sunday, I’ve been meaning to do so for months.

How to be Free: STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR PENSION AND GET A LIFE

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

 

Chapter 22 – Stop worrying about your pension and get a life – SAY YES TO LIFE

A pension is supposed to be security for when we are older and can no longer work.  Or is it?  In actual fact we work all our lives, putting money “aside”, which actually means into the pockets of the pension firm executives, and to be “invested” on a perilously unstable stock market (gambling).  Would it not be better to look after ourselves?  Whether this means investing by ourselves in something a little more secure (property / gold / under the bed), choosing an occupation from which we don’t want or need to retire because we are so busy enjoying ourselves, or cultivating a more caring attitude amongst our family – didn’t the older generation used to live with and be cared for by their working age children in their dotage?

Stop worrying about the future (which after all, we may never see) and enjoy life now.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

Having opted out of a “career path” I think my pension provision is pretty non-existent.  Hubby has a pretty good one.  I’m not too worried.  I figure I’ll just squirrel a bit of money away, keep working, spend less and hope for the best.  So I think my attitude pretty much squares up with Tom’s.

Having said that, I know that I have family approaching retirement age in the next decade who are very worried about how they will manage when they can no longer work.  I hope very much that I’ll be able to ease their worries and take them in.  I would certainly prefer that to seeing them worry about how they’ll pay their heating bill, or seeing them scratching away at a job just because they can’t afford not to, when they would prefer to be enjoying their old age.

What about you?  Do YOU have a pension?

How to be Free: DISARM PAIN

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 21 – Disarm pain – EMBRACE HARDSHIP

Tom has a good rant about Glaxo Smith Kline, and about how they relish pain, because the more pain there is in the world the more profit they get.  He talks about their motto “Do more, feel better, live longer” and how it’s utter relative nonsense.  Doing more – is that really a good thing?  Feeling better – better than what?  Living longer – with what quality of life?

A little pain is okay.  It’s okay to feel pain because it’s part of life.  Fear of pain leads to fear of living.

Could we embrace a little hardship?  The warmth of the fire or a hot shower is all the better if you’ve been out giving your body some grief running around in the cold.  Perhaps it’s the same with all life – the contrast between pain and pleasure is more intense than a numbing mediocrity.

 

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

I completely agree about the pleasure of life being all the better after a bit of hardship.  I fear that I’ve become a bit middle of the road since I’ve had children.  The heating is on, and it takes a bit of stirring to get me out of the house and running with the dog, especially in wintry weather.  When I do make the effort, I always feel better for it.

I have to confess though, that when it comes to real pain I’m pathetic.  A swollen foot from an insect bite has me off my feet for nearly a week.  A hangover (from one pint of cider – I’m such a light-weight!) has me swearing off alcohol for life and reaching for the paracetamol.  A twinge in my calf and I don’t do any exercise for a month.  I don’t like pain.  It makes me feel faint and nauseous and I’m sorry – I do not embrace real pain.

How to be Free: THE ANTI-NUCLEAR FAMILY

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 20 – The anti-nuclear family – LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE

We have this dream that families are these nurturing glowing cosy cuddles, your place of sanctuary against the world.  In reality, too often the family is just a small group of people who happen to live in the same house, and are often isolated and hostile to one another.

Could it be that where in times gone by, work was done co-operatively – making, mending, growing, cleaning, cooking – where now it is done by nobody, or by just one resentful person.  Families used to work together, now they are uncreative, and home is about crashing out, chilling out, zoning out, anything but engaging with one another or the world. 

We produce these wonderful children to make our family, and then farm them out for others to look after, while we work to pay the person to look after them, and buy them things that they don’t need.  Instead, get the children engaged in “work”.  Get them gardening, making things, decorating things – it doesn’t need to be perfect, just creative. 

Tom also strongly suggests avoiding family days out – costly and full of strife.  Better to spend some one-to-one time with your children, getting to know them, giving them full attention.  Or make the family bigger – not by having more children yourself – by inviting others to spend time with you.  More adults and children spending time together means that the children take off and entertain one another, and the adults get some quality time too. 

DH Lawrence has the best advice of all for child-rearing, “Leave them alone”.  This makes looking after the children much less like work, and you are more likely to enjoy the time you spend with them, than if you are constantly trying to entertain them.  We over-schedule our children, and make them dependent and expensive.  Surely we would do better to just let them play and create.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

Just let the children be.  It’s a fine idea, and I am a huge advocate of unstructured play and creativity, but sometimes you need to be a little more present than that, to stop them from accidentally killing one another (C likes to put the beanbag on top of Bug and sit on it.  She doesn’t like it so much and screams.  I don’t like the screaming, but at least when she’s screaming I know that she can breathe.  I usually step in and make him get off.).    I also think that they need some structure and support to give them ideas for their creativity.  With no structure at all they start to roam, and usually head for some sort of trouble, but a simple “invitation to play” where some interesting resource is set out, or you sit down and make something with them, gives them lots of ideas.  Then, when they are engaged in their new ideas and play, you can slope off and get on with something else.  I’m also all for getting the children involved with the housework – mine are certainly involved with cooking, which they both love, and C adores hoovering. 

As for the nuclear family being a bunch of people living in the same house who don’t like one another very much, and family days out being a no-no.  Not here.  We live in the cuddly dream.  The children are still of an age where nothing beats a day out with mummy and daddy, and as luck would have it, Daddy and Mummy have similar interests and thoroughly enjoy a day in one another’s company too.

How to be free: LIVE MORTGAGE FREE; BE A HAPPY WANDERER

I'm writing a series of blog posts exploring the books "How to be free" and "The Idle Parent" written by Tom Hodgkinson.  I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 19 - Live Mortgage Free; be a Happy Wanderer - SHARE YOUR HOME

A major setback to doing what you want to do, what will make you happy... is debt.  Once you have it, you really need to keep paying for it - otherwise bad things start to happen.  Mortgages are based on the idea that ownership is good.  If you rent, you're paying money and will never own anything, but if you buy, then you can own something after a very long time, and paying more than double the cost of the thing that you are buying. We aren't even very sensible about it.  Instead of borrowing enough to have a small home, we tend to borrow as much as we can only just manage to pay back, so that we can have a bigger house - leading of course to having to work harder in order to pay it back.

Renting is cheaper.  The rent may be slightly more than you'd pay in a mortgage for the property, but you don't have to worry about maintenance, or boilers or anything like that - that's for the owner to sort out, so you do save money.  It has got more expensive lately though, as more and more people struggle to get "on the housing ladder" more people are requiring property to rent, so rent goes up.  It would be better to keep rents lower and leases longer - then  more people would feel more secure renting.  If you didn't have the fear that you could be chucked out at any moment, then you would feel much happier to rent, you might be able to actually plant fruit trees, set up the garden properly and do a bit of maintenance yourself if you thought it would be worth your while.

How about squatting?  Just occupy an empty building.  What about communal living?  Get together with a group of friends and rent or buy a building together - who says that every family or couple needs to have their very own home?

Buying a cheap house in the middle of nowhere is cheaper than buying one with good links.  If you've less mortgage then you've less reason to need to be in commuter-ville.  Buy a smaller house too - less work to pay the mortgage, less maintenance, less cleaning.  Why not become a vagabond or wandering tradesman?  The answer to that is that governments don't like it.  They think that somebody who wanders must be in need of a "back to work" programme, or is a scrounger.  It doesn't occur to them that wandering might be a choice for freedom, and that these wanderers are often actually scrounging nothing, but work their way from place to place, but with no fixed abode.  Do they worry that this creates chaos?  That because these wanderers are wandering, the government have no way to collect their taxes?

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life?

We have a mortgage.  Of course we do.  We're middle class.  We also have a house that's bigger than we need in a very nice place.  Hubby works like crazy to support the mortgage.

We're looking to change it.  First we need to gradually rid ourselves of some of our unnecessary stuff.  Then we need to buy a place in the middle of nowhere - the house doesn't need to be so big - with a bit more land.  Then we can work on an alternative and more pleasurable way of life to service the hopefully now smaller mortgage.  Then Hubby can stop the work he doesn't enjoy.  Good plan?

How to be free: STOP MOANING; BE MERRY

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.   I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 18 - Stop moaning; be merry - COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

In this short chapter Tom talks about moaning.  There are a few different types of moaning.  There's moaning and feeling sorry for yourself, and not really expecting anything to be done about it, just wanting other people to hear your dissatisfaction and perhaps commiserate; or there's moaning about something and then deciding that you do have a choice and you can do something about it.

Tom suggests that we should just cut out a few of those first type of moans, and instead either find a way to change what we don't like, or look around for something to feel happy about.

How does this match up to the ink-spots-and-grass-stains life
I may be speaking completely out of turn here, and I'm sure people will put me right if I've missed something... but I don't think I'm that much of a moaner.  I like to see the glass as half full, and I generally do look at the world and see brightness.  Of course I'll have a moan about the drivers who insist at driving at 40mph in the 60mph zone (and also in the 30mph zone), and a bit about the weather, and occasionally about the children... but comparatively, I'm not much of a moaner.  So I think I can safely say that there isn't much for this chapter to tell me.

How to be free - SUBMIT NO MORE TO THE MACHINE

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.   I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 16 – Submit no more to the machine, Use your hands – USE A SCYTHE

The great dream of machines doing all the dirty work, leaving us to pursue pleasure has never materialised.  Machines still need tending, but tending a machine is more boring than the original job!  Plus, owning and maintaining them costs more money, which means that we have to work harder.  Not only do modern machines in the workplace make people look bad (they never arrive late or call in sick), but they now invade our personal and rest time as well.  The dreaded Blackberry and i-phone mean that you are now expected to be available to work all the time, even when you are on holiday or in the pub.  So machines have made life more lonely and more boring, and harder work.  Go back in time a little.  Instead of thinking about what you want, think about what you can do without.  Enjoy the use of tools rather than machines, and take back control of your life.

How does this match up to the Ink-Spots-and-Grass-Stains Life?

I’ve been hankering after an i-phone just lately.  Everybody else seems to have one, and I quite like the idea of checking my e-mails on the move, and even using twitter.  I still don’t really know what appeal that has though.  Tom’s right – it takes away the opportunity to sit and stare, to people watch, or even to be aware of your surroundings.  Heaven forbid the phone becomes a permanent extension of your right hand, and you sit surrounded by loved ones but still tapping away on the phone and focused only on that.  Perhaps I’ll leave the i-phone after all!

HOW TO BE FREE - Banish Loneliness

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring the books “How to be free” and “The Idle Parent” written by Tom Hodgkinson.   I enjoyed a lot of the ideas expressed in these books, and think that exploring them further will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

 Chapter 15 – Banish Loneliness  – FLING OPEN YOUR DOORS

In the old days there was a collective approach to life. There was an emphasis on charity and hospitality.  The ideas of collective ownership and the common good now seem revolutionary.  We’ve gone from “love thy neighbour” to “keeping up with the Joneses” and “you’re on your own”.  In some societies you still see evidence of group fun – sitting together chatting outside your shop, playing in large groups, travelling in one big group, not the isolated tube journey that so many suffer today, shrinking even from a friendly “hello” in case they get drawn into conversation… heaven forbid!

Isolation is a relatively new (a few hundred years) phenomenon, and not a welcome one.  We stay in our own houses, with our burglar alarms, we don’t even know our neighbours, much less share with them.  Where is our camaraderie?  Life is easier when it is shared.

Embrace community, get together with neighbours and friends, put on parties and start clubs.

 How does this match up to the "ink spots and grass stains life"?

Sometimes this is hard to put into practice whatever your intentions.  You can invite people to “pop round any time”, but they don’t, and you feel a little awkward doing it to them, just in case you are intruding and they don’t really want you there, or they are busy or just unsociable.  I want to have a home where the children are in and out, sharing toys with other children, playing out.  Where my friends pop around for a cup of tea and I do the same.  Not so easy sometimes, as it involves having the trust that this is welcome.

How to be free - DEATH TO SHOPPING, or fleeing the prison of consumer desire

I’ve mentioned Tom Hodgkinson on here before.  He’s the editor of The Idler, and has written books “How to Be Idle”, “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent”.  I love the principles expressed in “How to be Free” (though not all the ideas in the book), and while I don’t agree with the term Idle I think The Idle Parent is a must-read and describes well how I was brought up and how I wish to bring up my own children.

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring these two books, and the ideas contained in them further, in the hope that this will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

Chapter 10 - Death to shopping, or fleeing the prison of consumer desire - THROW OUT THE TELLY

This is a very simple chapter in which Tom reminds us that we are continually wanting things that we don't actually need.  If we have a functional pair of shoes we don't really need another two or three pairs do we?  If our TV works then we don't need another one just because the old one happens not to be flat screen / LCD / HD / 3D or whatever.

Our natural desire to live well has become a desire for "stuff".  If we didn't feel the need to buy so much stuff, then we wouldn't need so much money, and therefore wouldn't need to work so much.

He suggests that there are four categories of good things: subsistence - food, drink and shelter; intellectual and moral improvement - books and friends; inexpensive gratifications - (he suggest booze and cigarettes but I'm not sure I'd agree with those!); and the fourth category is "gratifications which can only be purchased with excessive toil" - decoration, distraction, vanity and ostentation - these we can do without.

We need to be cool, not to care so much about things.  He recalls a two-year period where his family had no money.  To economise they stopped reading newspapers, watched little TV and moved out of the city.  Almost immediately they stopped spending so much, simply because they were no longer exposed to so much marketing.  So throw out the TV, stop being a zombie and get out there and live life.  Acknowledge desire, but don't let it rule your life.

How does this match up to the Ink Spots and Grass Stains Life

Very poorly I'm afraid.  I try not to buy stuff.  But I'm not very good at it.  And I have a husband who really likes to buy things and to own things - even if we never use them.  I won't even list the stuff that sits unused in the garage, the books that have never been read or the DVDs that haven't been watched.  I'm a good influence on him, he's beginning to see that there is benefit in my thrifty ways - but I don't think I'm winning.  And perhaps he's having an influence on me.  I certainly seem to have a lot of stuff that I really don't need.

Lets just say that this is one that I'm working on!

How to be Free - Stop Competing

I’ve mentioned Tom Hodgkinson on here before.  He’s the editor of The Idler, and has written books “How to Be Idle”, “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent”.  I love the principles expressed in “How to be Free” (though not all the ideas in the book), and while I don’t agree with the term Idle I think The Idle Parent is a must-read and describes well how I was brought up and how I wish to bring up my own children.

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring these two books, and the ideas contained in them further, in the hope that this will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

How to be Free

Chapter 8 - Stop Competing - START A GUILD

Is competition healthy?  Since Darwin, with the concept of Survival of the Fittest, life seems to be about competing with the Joneses.  But surely the net result of unfettered competition is that one company / species comes out on top, having destroyed or swallowed up all their competitors.  Is this one the best, or just the best at competing?  Doesn’t competition kill variety?

Tom suggests that competition in the realm of play is a good thing, leading to fun and games; competition in business and ethics is bad.   It leads to poor wages, poor quality, poor treatment of staff – all in the name of “beating” the other guys.  “You’ve got to be tough to survive” – is life really all down to survival?  What happened to savouring life, living joyfully, and loving?

There are situations in both other cultures, and in nature, of mutual aid – symbiotic relationships rather than parasitism.  Hospitality for the sake of hospitality.  Giving freely to the poor and needy.  At one stage in European history, the principle aim of most people wasn’t how to make lots of money, but how to save their soul, and working was often seen as just another vanity.  Guilds were set up with a complex system of values to allow work that wouldn’t displease God.  The aims were to work creatively, not do too much work, agree prices without competition, look after fellow craftsmen, including apprentices and those who can’t work any more, high quality.  Members of the guilds paid a membership which went to look after tradesmen who couldn’t work any more, widows and their families and great halls and feasts.  This has been tried again in various guises over the centuries, with people living in various co-operative communes.  The key here is in neighbourliness.

How does this match up to the Ink Spots and Grass Stains life?

I like this idea.  Anybody who knows me will know that I am competitive, but I hope that they would agree that I am more competitive with myself than with anybody else – which I don’t think is a bad thing.  I’m certainly not one for keeping up with the Joneses, though I admit, I sometimes get a little smug when I compare my children with others – is that “competitive mum syndrome”?  I love variety.

I am also very much in favour of what Tom describes as “mutual aid” helping other people just because it’s a good thing to do, not because there’s anything in it for ourselves.  This does require us to break down some barriers, both for ourselves and with our neighbours, and ask for and offer help more freely – it’s something that in our culture we have got out of the habit of.

How to be Free - Cast off your Watch

I’ve mentioned Tom Hodgkinson on here before.  He’s the editor of The Idler, and has written books “How to Be Idle”, “How to be Free” and “The Idle Parent”.  I love the principles expressed in “How to be Free” (though not all the ideas in the book), and while I don’t agree with the term Idle I think The Idle Parent is a must-read and describes well how I was brought up and how I wish to bring up my own children.

I’m writing a series of blog posts exploring these two books, and the ideas contained in them further, in the hope that this will help me to explore further the principles behind my own way of living and parenting.

How to be Free

Chapter 7 - Cast off your watch – THROW AWAY YOUR WATCH

 

“Time is money” – is it?  If it is then we all should get rid of the watch.  If time is money, we wear a watch to keep ourselves enslaved, to ensure that we don’t squander away too much of that precious commodity in having fun instead of earning more money.  If you wear a watch, then you are constantly aware of time and lose the art of allowing time to run away with itself, to fly or all those delightful action words that describe what time does when we are having fun. 

Tom doesn’t suggest that we should have such a lazy attitude towards time that we are always late for appointments – since we have all agreed to live by time, that would be undeniably rude.  You could though, he suggests, make appointment times more casually, “I’ll be there sometime between 5 and 6” for example.  Also, to give yourself plenty of time to get anywhere, so that you have plenty of time to be side-tracked on the way and if, perchance, you arrive early, then you will either please the other party, or have some time to idle away when you get there.  He suggests that we demand less of ourselves, de-schedule, add in more gaps to the day.

The concept of “I haven’t got enough hours in the day” is nonsense – what it really means is “I prioritised something else”.

from onlineinvestingai.com 

How does this match up to the Ink Spots and Grass Stains life?

As a stay-at-home-mum to two toddlers I am learning about taking life more slowly.  I took my watch off towards the end of my last pregnancy, sure that if I was cradling a baby, laying it down to sleep and then extracting my arm, the watch on my wrist would no doubt then scratch the baby and wake her up.  I haven’t put it back on.

Having small children does prevent you from really allowing time to pass you by.  If you are too laissez-faire about it the children will soon let you know that you forgot snack-time, that they are really tired etc.  Children do thrive on a routine – so a little bit of clock time can be a healthy thing: “Right, it’s about 11, time for lunch and then nap-time”. 

It’s all about moderation though.  I only go to one scheduled activity each week with the children.  In fact, during my week, the times when my nerves and my temper are most frazzled is when I’m trying to get two small children out of the house with some sort of deadline in mind.  They just will not be rushed.  Children get absorbed in their play, entranced by shaking the branch on a bush, by sitting in dappled sunlight.  The more you froth at the mouth and get frustrated with them, glancing at the clock with increasing stress levels, the more they seem to dig in their heels and slow down – surely it’s much more fun to play with my cars another five minutes that to come and put my shoes on mummy?  They are teaching me.  Yes, we do have to get places.  But I need to allow more time to get there without stressing, to allow more time to run around the Landrover a couple of times before getting in, to make putting the shoes on into a game rather than a shouting fiesta.