The Stop Yelling Challenge

Children are wonderful.

They can also be intensely frustrating and annoying.

Especially when they are tired, or worried about something, and especially when you are tired or worried about something.

These are the times when we leave sanity behind and start yelling at our children.

I've been a bit of a yeller.

I wouldn't dream of yelling at other people's children when I was teaching, but somehow you forget that when they are your children.  You yell up the stairs to tell them what you want them to do (but we get cross if they yell to us to tell us what they want to do!).  You shout when they fight with each other.  You shout when they won't do as they are told.  You yell when you're late and they think it's a good time to have a lie down on the floor and make funny noises.

Here are a few ways that I'm trying to cut down the yelling in my house.

1. Go to them.  If it's dinner time in ten minutes, and I want them to put away what they are playing with and get ready for dinner, rather than shout up the stairs, I take the trouble to walk up.  This way I get to see what they are doing (and how much clearing up there is to do), so I can tell them how nicely they are playing, or how amazing their Lego building is... before asking them to stop.  Because I'm right there, they know that they can't get away with not doing it, so compliance comes a lot quicker, and I can give more specific instructions to help with the clearing up too.  It might be easier to shout up the stairs, but I would just end up marching up there shouting ten minutes later when I find that they've completely ignored them, so it's a lot better all round to just go up.
2. Get Closer.  If they are playing in the garden and start fighting (over the scooter or the swing or what day it is or...) I could just shout at them from where I am.  "Come here!"  "Will you two stop fighting!".  The result: I'm cross because they are fighting.  They are upset with each other.  They are upset with me because I'm shouting at them.  Instead I try going out there.  Maybe I ask one of them to come and help me with a job.  Maybe I join in the game and redirect it slightly or get something else out of the shed so they don't both need the same thing.  Maybe I have a quiet word with the one who's being unreasonable, and help them to calm down.  Whatever I do once I'm out there is likely to calm things down, while shouting from inside would have escalated the situation.
3. Take deep breaths.  When I gave them half an hour's notice that we'd be leaving the house at 9.30am, then I told them at 9.15 that it was time to tidy up and get their shoes on.  Then I asked them again at 9.20am to get their shoes on.  Then I helped them tidy up and told them to put their shoes on.  It's now 9.35 and one is dressing teddy (with no shoes on) and the other is lying on the floor and squeaking (with no shoes on).  This is the time when mummies explode.  What are my options?  I could put their shoes on for them... no, because I refuse to do things they can do for themselves and encourage laziness and helplessness.  I could walk down the path and get into the car, fuming... no, because there would be panic and tears, and then they'd realise that I won't actually go without them so it's just an empty threat.  I could carry them down to the car without their shoes on... not ideal, because either they would be angry at my heavy-handedness, or they would think it's hilarious and ask to be carried that way every time.  I could shout and yell and they would cry and I'd be angry and we'd all leave the house in a tearful wobbly mess (the usual outcome).  Or... I could count to ten.  Accept that I'm going to be late for wherever we were going.  Take deep breaths.  Get down to their level.  Explain again where we are going, that I understand that they were having a nice time and don't feel like going right now, but point out that I need them to put on their shoes now.  Can you tell that this is the one I find trickiest?  Because after I've counted to ten and calmly explained things to them, if they still don't seem to be getting ready, then the volcanic eruption is even worse, because I've been trying to suppress it.
4. Give them a hug.  If they are doing something wrong, and they know it, they probably feel pretty bad already.  Sometimes the best response is a hug and a "lets see what we can do about this", this makes them feel as though you and they are working together, not that they have to hide their mistakes because mummy will go mad.

Let's just say... I'm a work in progress.

Zentangling

For the uninitiated, Zentangling is basically just doodling.

The Zen bit comes because when you're zentangling, you can pretty much zone out of everything else, so it's a good way to clear your head.  

For more information about Zentangling, check out the Zentangle website.  Zentangling can produce some really beautiful art, and a quick search on Google Images will get your jaw dropping and your fingers itching to get on with it.

For many people, they'll have been subconsciously zentangling during boring RE lessons or board meetings for years, without ever knowing that it had a name.  I'm one of these.

Discovering the Zentangle website was something of a revelation - they even have Zentangle teachers!

A pretty good way to start is to just draw a loopy line across the paper, crossing over itself many times.  You then fill in each space with a very simple repeating pattern.  You can, however, get much more creative, and put in some very deliberate shapes and patterns, as you'll see with your Google search, and the one above, which features flower shapes.

The "proper" zentanglers only use very fine black pens, but it isn't absolutely necessary.  You'll see from the example above, which was my first attempt at a Zentangle greetings card, that I've used an italic handwriting pen, and coloured pencils.  It's not rocket science, just go with what you've got to hand.

Enjoy your zentangling!

A bit of reverse progress on the model railway

I've posted several times over the last year or so about the progress (slow though it may be!) on the model railway. (here, here, here and here)

You'll notice that we are now selling the house and moving to a rented house for a while before we choose another property, so inevitably progress on the railway has halted.  In fact, the railway was dismantled at an early stage in the marketing of our property, so that the large room upstairs looks a bit more... roomy.

Most parts of the model were carefully taken to bits and packed away ready to be rebuilt to fit whatever space we have available in a few months when we buy a new home.  A different fate awaited the two corners which I'd worked so hard on with C.  Unsure yet how to pack them, Hubby popped them into the newly emptied attic for the time being.  I went in there to fetch out Bug's guitar and found carnage.

Some small mouse-shaped rodents had taken a shine to the papier-mache it seems, and this is all that remained of our hard work:

I managed to rescue a couple of people, my picnic bench and bridge and a couple of sheep, but that's about it.  To be honest I'm quite impressed with how chilled out I am at seeing hours of work destroyed.  It means we'll start afresh with our new layout, and we've learned a few things on the way.  Next time I'll use modroc or plaster to build the scenery for a start, I imagine it's slightly less palatable than the flour/water paste I used for the papier-mache.  I'm intrigued where the rest of the people, the Fimo food and the sheep are gone.  I'm imagining a Borrower or Beatrix Potter-esque scenario with lots of miniature sheep decorating a mouse-hole somewhere.

Spicing up the ordinary

Just a quick post today, on how you can use things creatively to get a bit more milage out of them.

We have a paddling pool, 

we have a hand-me-down pop-up tent.  

So why not put the tent in the paddling pool?

This has been used now as a submarine, an underwater mermaid house, a port/harbour for the boats, a cave for sea animals and much more!

Try an unusual toy juxtaposition and see what happens!

Taking Stock - Take 2

It's been a busy few weeks, so here I am back ready to take stock once more.  I think I'll go for bullet points, because everything is pretty jumbled!

Trip to Hereford.  

• In our week and a half here, I managed to select a Primary School for C, enrol him and buy the uniform.
• We went for choosing a school and village we like first, and then hoping to find somewhere to live nearby.
• Also enrolled Bug at the nearby Pre-school.  It seems a bit chaotic compared to the great place they have been attending, but I can always get involved on the parent committee and also hope that it's a bit more purposeful when it's not the end of term.  She'll be attending two full days each week.
• Found a house to rent!  This was an absolute nightmare.  Houses with more than two bedrooms were few and far between, those allowing dogs even more difficult to track down and they seemed to be let almost as soon as they were advertised or were more than half an hour's drive from the school.  Thrilled to find this one only three or four miles from the school/pre-school.
• Once all the above was sorted we were able to relax a bit, with some wild swimming in the Wye, a bike ride/walk in the woods (and a trip to the minor injuries unit), and a great 5th birthday for C.

 

 Trip to North Wales

• Sadly picked a poor campsite, where caravans and tents were packed in and children were running wild and very noisy until late at night, so not much rest on the site.
• We did get to castles, beaches (lots of swimming in the sea), and steam railways, and a boat trip, as well as spending a couple of days with Nana and Grandad and Auntie J.

 

 

Home again

• Living within an hour of Glasgow we had house guests for the Commonwealth Games.  Auntie J and Uncle S were staying with us, and Big Sis and family were camping in the vicinity too.  
• We spent a day babysitting for Littlest Nephew (age 2), served dinner for 11 a couple of times, went to the Safari Park and went swimming.
• A little anxious about the state my showhome was getting into, but to be honest I'm losing motivation, as we're a month in, and still only one viewing.  It isn't easy to keep the house and garden looking awesome, and with no potential buyers I begin to wonder if there's any point.

Youth Hostel weekend

• My sisters, our mum and I, and all the children have now made a weekend away together at one of Britains Youth Hostels an annual expedition.  This year we headed to Boggle Hole, near Robin Hood's Bay, near Whitby in North Yorkshire.
• We all had a horrible journey on Friday, so arrived late, and of course the children were very excited to see one another, so took a very long time to settle to sleep.
• Saturday we spent the morning pottering in Whitby, and then walked along the beach to Robin Hood's Bay in the afternoon, and back along the cliffs.  Six year old and seven year old nephews had been blown away by excitement on the beach and entirely submerged themselves, fully clothed, in rock pools - yet were surprised when the weather changed and we had a chilly walk back across the cliffs to contemplate.  I think they both felt a little silly, sheepish and sorry for themselves by the time we returned to the hostel and they were bundled into warm showers.  Bedtime went a lot easier tonight!
• Sunday we were determined not to stuff the poor critters straight into the car for another long journey, particularly since Friday had been effectively wiped out.  We planned a trip to Falling Foss Tea Rooms, which involved a lucky space in a busying car-park, a walk through the woods, and a lucky find of two adjacent empty tables in the increasingly busy, lovely tea garden with fabulous playpark. 
• We all eventually headed our separate ways at about 1.30pm.  My journey home was broken by a drink in a pub garden and playpark with some great friends in Jedburgh, and then on home for dinner.
• Lovely to see the joy the children wear when they see Daddy after a couple of days without him.

And Now?

• Still no more viewings on the house.  At what point am I supposed to start worrying about this and reconsider first my choice of Estate Agent and secondly the asking price?  I keep being reassured that Summer Holiday and Commonwealth Games may have interfered with house searches, but things will now get busy... bring it on then!
• Working hard to keep house and garden looking nice, while at the same time arranging removal firm for the end of the month and commencing packing, and of course... that little thing... looking after two young children.
• Trying to stay calm, measured and positive.  Hubby is worried about what happens if the house takes too long to sell (while we're paying mortgage on one and rent on another, and he takes a pay cut when we move).  I'm trying to stay optimistic, looking into my options for starting paid work again earlier than anticipated if necessary, while still being flexible so that I can be there for the children. 
• Also trying hard to stay calm and positive with two tired children following all our exciting adventures, who are unsettled because of the move, new school, new house etc. etc.  I'm trying to be understanding and calm (not too much shouting), while still maintaining the firm boundaries that they need so much.  Trying to make sure that I take time to play with them too, rather than being too busy getting everything else done too.  They need me just now.
• It would also be quite nice if I could keep up the exercise and diet and lose a little more weight over the next six weeks.  I lost half a stone in 5 weeks just before the holiday, and another half a stone would not be missed!